Hancock: All you need to know is that it's a shakycam movie. I mean the ENTIRE movie. There are maybe two shots in the movie that are held still. It's like the Bourne sequels all over again. So basically there's no reason for anyone to see it, because the director couldn't be bothered to shoot it, and he deserves to be raped by a coyote.

A refresher: Directors, lately, have a habit of shooting entire movies in handheld because they think it's more "realistic" and makes you feel like "you are there." The EXACT OPPOSITE OF THIS is true. Because in real life, I don't jump up and down and wiggle left and right everywhere I fucking go. When the camera never stops shaking, focus is removed and concentration has to be put towards trying to keep your eyes on what's bobbing up and down on the screen. It's actually worse in the Bourne films because my friends and I wind up debating what we THINK happened in the action sequences that we couldn't fucking see. More importantly, it distracts intensely from the storytelling and makes me unable to focus on the rest of the film nearly as well as I should be able to. Not to sound overdramatic, but it's basically a hideous pox upon cinema that destroys everything it touches, and to me that is not an exaggeration.

As for the rest of the movie, well, Jason Bateman is great. Love him. I really liked the story of the first hour of the movie, it was basically a self-contained cool little film. I mean to say that the writing is quite entertaining for as long as Will Smith is kind of a dick or barely trying to learn how not to be, but once he's beloved there's not much reason to care anymore. Plus the story veered off into a direction that just bored me and wound up in one of the lamest climaxes I've ever seen, and well, yeah, my reaction was apathy. Said veering, to me, doesn't deserve the hatred it's gotten from so many reviews, because it's NOT a wildly-awful direction to go, it's just... not nearly as interesting or as fun. Even without the shakycam, this was kinda blah (but with a really fun first hour). WITH the shakycam? Avoid at all costs, and make sure to cut the throat of anyone involved with the cinematography or direction if you meet them on the street. You will be doing the cinema, and humanity, a favor.

Have I made my opinions clear here? Was anything somehow confusing? I think we all see where I'm coming from now, right? Okay? Okay.