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04 November 2003 @ 09:57 am
Reality TV predictions are not my specialty  
If I had to make a prediction about last night's Joe Millionaire, it would've been that Linda was the only sure lock to stay on the show, because David was so into her and she seemed pegged as the new Zora now that Tereza was gone.

Well, I guess there isn't a new Zora, and I guess that Linda and David's mutual interest in one another isn't enough to overcome an army of angry, jealous ladies. The other women on the show became annoyed by the attention David was giving to Linda, and Linda couldn't handle the stressful situation she was trapped in. She asked David to send her home, and she got her wish. Wuss.

Next week, it seems that the ladies all turn their hostilities on Cat. Which isn't too shocking, since she already has David's attention as well. It would seem that they're going to slowly bump off every one of the people that David likes if they can get away with it. It might not work on everyone the way it did on Linda, though.

The real noticable thing here is that there aren't many women left who I can honestly see tolerating David when he reveals that he's a pauper. I think Giada would tolerate him, and might even try to stay with him even though he's completely ass-stupid. So I guess that means that poor Giada will be bumped next week. Too bad; I like her, dammit.

David also seems to have an incomprehensible fascination with Olinda, even though Olinda is the exact opposite of anyone who would be up his alley, as well as the exact opposite of anyone who would put up with the "I'm not rich" revelation. If his inexplicable interest in her continues to the end, we are guaranteed a huge smackdown.

But no matter what, I never really felt that there was any way that David was going to "find love" on this show or something. That much was obvious from the start. Look at the women that they chose. Then look at David. It sure as hell looks like Fox intentionally engineered this so that his chances of romantic success were less than zero. You know what would be really shocking? If they actually had a "Joe" who was smart, even though he wasn't rich. A clever and intelligent Joe who just happened to have a dangerously low bank account — now that would be fasincating to see. Instead, they chose morons. And with each consecutive week, David makes it more and more obvious that Evan was a Rhodes Scholar compared to his lame cowboy ass.

At this point, the largest question remaining is what the "big twist" will be. Paul has promised us that the final twist will be as shocking as before, but not the same thing at all. I've already seen some reports that suggest that David's family really is rich, but then, we saw the exact same reports about Evan last year, and they turned out to be bunk. How about revealing in the end that David's the head of his local Mensa chapter or something? That'd turn serious heads.
 
 
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Half Genie, All Man[info]halfgenieallman on November 4th, 2003 08:21 am (UTC)
MENSA...hm...no, I don't think that'd turn anyone's head. Not mine at least.
Whomever[info]oberongeiger on November 4th, 2003 09:04 am (UTC)
The implication being... what? That Mensa-types aren't that bright anyway? That Texas is full of nothing but morons, so such a role for David would not be much of a stretch? I am not entirely sure where to take that.
Half Genie, All Man[info]halfgenieallman on November 4th, 2003 09:44 am (UTC)
Well, I guess I haven't seen the TV show, so I'm somewhat speaking out-of-turn. I guess it's because I grew up with Mensans all my life. To see another one would be...underwhelming. Texas, on the other hand, may be full of nothing but morons, but I'm unwilling to make that judgment yet as I've only been here 7 months.
Whomever[info]oberongeiger on November 4th, 2003 10:01 am (UTC)
Oh, okay. Well, yeah. I see what you mean now. My point was just that David is such an unbelievably stupid person that to have him reveal any success in the realm of intelligence measurement would probably floor me.
(Anonymous) on November 4th, 2003 09:17 am (UTC)
Hmm, a smart Joe Millionaire? What a novel concept! Of course, it would go against all of the ideals that FOX strives to promote, which is that women are only attracted to money and nice abs. Basically the question that Joe Millionaire seeks to answer is, "When it's revealed that David has no money, will his nice abs be enough to sustain love?" Because God knows he doesn't have anything else going for him.

What would be really great is if FOX did a reality show where they told a bunch of women that a guy had really great abs, but then in the end it's revealed that he actually has a fat and flabby stomach. Of course, the guy should probably be filthy rich so they can work in the whole abs vs. money conundrum. They could call the show Joe Six-Pack. It's brilliant! Why am I not a reality-TV producer?

Clare
Whomever[info]oberongeiger on November 4th, 2003 09:23 am (UTC)
That is indeed brilliant. As well as unbelievably freaking hilarious. I am totally awed by your creative genius.
(Anonymous) on November 4th, 2003 11:36 am (UTC)
Ah, you give me too much credit. It's a basic formula, really. Guy + lots of single girls + surprise twist + title incorporating the name "Joe" = quality reality television. And it should totally have a Most Dramatic! Rose Ceremony! Ever! Only instead of roses, it should be cans of beer. You know, as a play on the whole "six-pack" thing.

I am seriously considering quitting my job to become a reality TV producer.

Clare
Matt[info]umrguy42 on November 4th, 2003 12:50 pm (UTC)
Well, it's not quite the same as you metioned, but NBC(?) is doing "Average Joe", where the good-looking girl has to pick from pretty average to kinda flabby guys.... that would be a great one for your cans of beer ceremony :)
Whomever[info]oberongeiger on November 4th, 2003 01:09 pm (UTC)
I think that's one of the "Joe" shows to which she refers, such as "The Joe Schmoe Show" and the like... there are many Joes.
(Anonymous) on November 4th, 2003 02:04 pm (UTC)
Indeed, there are many "Joe" shows, and that is one of them. But the key difference in my show is that the big reveal is left until the end. (Think Mr. Personality. Only without Monica Lewinsky. And those ass-stupid masks. And the poor man's Jennifer Garner who only had one facial expression. And that guy who tried to hypnotize her. OK, don't think Mr. Personality. My show will be nothing like Mr. Personality!)

Oh, Lord, I just used ass-stupid in a sentence. Dammit, Doug! You're rubbing off on me!

By the way, you can definitely be the best boy grip. Or the gaffer. You pick. Actually, I guess I could make you co-producer, although you had nothing whatsoever to do with the generation of Joe Six-Pack. Then again, I did write about it on your blog, so I guess I could consider you a source of inspiration or something. OK, co-producer it is! Watch out, Jerry Bruckheimer!

Clare
Whomever[info]oberongeiger on November 4th, 2003 02:21 pm (UTC)
Whoohoo! I'm very excited. Will we add an incredibly shocking twist to Joe Six-Pack? Perhaps in the final episode, after our Joe reveals his lack of rock-hard abs, he and his chosen girl will be shocked! when he is given a free ab-roller or something? You know, it's the ideal equivalent of giving Evan a bag of money, so why not?

I'm not sure how much I want to emulate Bruckheimer, though, since Skin just got canned. Joe Six-Pack must be picked up for a full season.
Whomever[info]oberongeiger on November 4th, 2003 01:10 pm (UTC)
That sounds like an awesome job. Can I be your co-producer? Actually, I will settle for one of those jobs no one understands, like being a best boy grip or something.